If so, then this is a peril that may very well apply to you
Expecting Too Much Too Soon
Expectations – in many ways life and business would be so much easier without them. Yet without them, what would be the point? You need to expect something out of an investment of time, money, effort, or emotions, right? The dark side of expectations rears its ugly head when we apply two specific conditions – time and quality (or) quantity. Consider for a moment the expression, “It (or they) didn’t live up to my expectations.”
Well, that may be a function of whatever or whomever it was you based the expectations on, or maybe the expectations were off to begin with. When you enter into an agreement or arrangement with another person are the expectations very clearly articulated? By clearly I mean you, as the one on the “expecting” end of the bargain, in no uncertain terms and in writing state: “I expect this, this, this, and this. I expect it by this date, and I expect the quality standard to be such and such.”
No? Then how is it possible to be disappointed? The only expectations one should keep to oneself are those one has of oneself. All others must be clearly shared with those who share in the responsibility to make them happen. But wait! There’s more!
You need those to whom you entrust your expectations to be honest with you from the start. The trouble with this is that people have a tendency to want to tell us what they think we want to hear as opposed to what we need to hear, which is – the truth. The best way to get the truth out of someone else is to come right out and ask for it. Come right out and say, “Are you firmly committed to living up to these expectations; are you sure?” Add conditions if you like, such as “Payment is contingent on meeting these expectations.” This will usually result in either a commitment or a realistic adjustment to the expectations.
But what about those expectations we put on ourselves? Whom do we hold accountable for those and how do we avoid disappointment when they’re not reached? This is where Healers U can help. We work with healers, coaches, and counselors in several ways, one of which is to examine the expectations we have of ourselves, then analyze and reset them to be met.
Deny it or not, it’s a fundamental part of human nature. It happens when our focus shifts from where we are and what we have, to others for where they are and what they have…
When Envy of Others Becomes a Driver
Do you sometimes look at others and wish, “Gee, I’d like to be like him or her”? No? Really? We all have that feeling from time to time; it’s perfectly natural. It becomes unhealthy when it affects how we behave and work, and sets our course in a new direction.
The shift can be so subtle sometimes you don’t even notice it. You know you, right? You’re not like that! Truth is, to one degree or another, we’re all like that. The winners in this world are the ones who are able to recognize and overcome such distractions, accept them for what they are, get themselves back on track, and move forward.
The real winners are those who are able to compare themselves as they are today to who they were yesterday and say, “Hey, I’m better than him or her”! The goal isn’t to be better than the “other guy,” but to be better than the guy you were looking at in the mirror yesterday. Achieve that and you’ve done something to be truly proud of.
I speak from experience – as I do with each of the Seven Perils. I’ve been-there-done-that when it comes to wishing I were “them.” I discovered, the hard way, that keeping up with the Kardashians was not the way to live a life and certainly no way to run a business.
It’s distracting, self-destructive, and can really do a number on your ego. Keep in mind, those whom you envy are most surely envying others, and those are, in turn, envying others. Odds are there are many out there who envy you! So what does it all mean? Nothing!
We can be married, or have a mate or partner. We can have employees, contractors, friends, neighbors, and family members. Of the lot of them, who’s the only one we have total control over? Of all the people on this planet – who’s the ONE PERSON with whom you must be most satisfied? It’s really not a trick question. The bottom line – if you’re not happy with yourself then how can you expect those who love you, like you, depend on you, and PAY YOU to be happy with you?
Oftentimes “comfort” can become our own worst enemy, especially when it manifests itself into…
Contentment is the archenemy of ambition and motivation. Why bother trying something new or venturing into unchartered territory? Everything’s nice as it is right now. Why not stop and smell the roses? That’s all well and good, but keep in mind it’s going to take quite a bit of energy to fire up the engines and get the train roaring down the track again. In other words, when you’re on a roll then keep on rolling. I’m not what you’d call one of your great baseball fans; however, we can learn a lot from history – even sports history. Consider this scenario…
The New York Yankees are playing against the Boston Red Sox for the American League Championship. The winner gets to go to the World Series – the ultimate dream of every baseball player. The first team to win four games advances to the series. The Yankees are up on the Red Sox 3 games to 0. All they have to do is win one game. ONE SILLY GAME and they’re on their way. The odds are so much in their favor – no team has ever failed to advance once accumulating such a commanding lead. They rested on their laurels and assumed their dream was “in the bag.” Meanwhile, the Red Sox (they called themselves “The Idiots”) took a “one game at a time” approach. Four games later, the Red Sox went on to the World Series and won.
Are you like the Yankees? Have you accepted a so-far-so-good approach and decided to sit back, assuming some kind of mysterious and mystic unseen force is simply going to “take it from here”? If so, like those highly skilled, professional, and talented (just like you) Yankees, you may wind up on the short end of the success stick.
Never allow the edge to dull. Never stop moving forward. Know, for a fact, someone – more likely several someones – will be waiting in the wings ready to steal the bread right from your table. The problem is how to know when Status Quo-itis has struck and how to deal with it. This is one of the ways we here at Healers U help healers, coaches, and counselors maintain their edge and continue the march to fulfill their dreams.
Keep your eyes on your inbox for the next installment of “A Peril a Day for Seven Days”… allowing envy to drive your vision.
There’s an old song from the ’20s entitled “I’m Always Chasing Rainbows.” The lyrics tell the story of a man who considers himself a failure because he just can’t seem to make his vision or dreams become a reality. The reason, as it turns out, isn’t so much because of the man’s skills or even his passion and determination. Rather, it’s more a function of the dream itself.
He simply set his vision-bar too high. As a result, he’s frustrated, failing to appreciate his accomplishments and adjust his way of thinking (and dreaming) to more realistic and achievable levels.
These dreams are generally out of reach and bigger than you can manifest realistically, and you can find yourself getting nowhere fast. While dreaming big is a fun thing to do, being able to differentiate between what is real and attainable and what is pure fantasy is critical. One of the downsides of living in a world and at a time when it seems “anything’s possible” is that we often fail to consider the things that are more probable and plausible. One of the secrets for individual success is to be able to realistically define what it is. Most of the times it’s a matter of setting step-by-step levels of success, celebrating each step as you achieve it, and then moving on to the next. First-things-first is a great rule of thumb, and it applies to dreams as much as anything.
This is one of the areas where Healers U can help healers, coaches, and counselors to reach goals, get more enjoyment from what they do, and make more at it. It isn’t about raining on your parade or bursting bubbles. Rather, it’s just the opposite. It’s about helping you celebrate all the mini-parades and smaller bubbles you’re able to manifest based on what you accomplish. Or, as the song goes…
“I wonder if the world is to blame…
I wonder if it could be me…
I’m always chasing rainbows…”
A POWERFUL Video. Enjoy!