Client Attraction Peril #7: Escaping Fantasyland

This is the final chapter in our “Seven Perils to Achieving Your Potential” Series. I purposely saved this for last because, of the bunch, this one’s a real bubble-buster. Sometimes some bubbles just have to be popped, and if one wants to move ahead in the real world they’ll have to find a way of…

Peril #7: Escaping Fantasyland

fantasy photo

Do you sometimes find yourself drifting off into a Walter Mitty-like state where you’re slaying dragons or saving the planet from merciless mercenaries? You do? Great! I do, too. Escaping reality once in awhile is fun and often necessary. The problems arise (A) when you do it too often and (B) when you do it, you stay too long.

If you visit fantasyland too often and/or stay too long when you do, you can become a stranger in your own reality (on those occasions when you choose to pay it a visit). There are as many reasons and theories as to why humans choose to mentally escape reality as there are psychoanalysts in the phone book. Depending on how serious the problem is, dealing with the reasons is best left up to the professionals. Dealing with the consequences will always be left up to you.

Healers, coaches, and counselors are highly creative, problem-solving sorts. We tend to care more about others, which is the number one reason we chose this course in the first place. This makes us prime candidates to become driftwood floating off into a land of more shadow than substance. I know; I’ve been there more often than I care to count. (I’ll even admit, I like it.)

But even experiences like excursions into fantasyland provide lessons, and as Head Coach here at Healers U I want to pass these along to you if you feel they might apply. There are many techniques and tactics I can share for dealing with this issue, too many for this email. However, I do have space to share the most important of the series:

Stay grounded in reality by focusing on the needs of those you serve. Trips to fantasyland are escapes from a reality we wish to avoid. As a healer, coach, or counselor there is one reality you, by nature, never want to escape. It’s the reality of your responsibility to your clients’ needs. You were put here to help others; it’s why you do what you do, and it’s what makes you who you are. You are the real hero, seen through the eyes of those you serve. Hold on to that, and in time your reality will be a place you may never want to escape from again.

Client Attraction Peril #6: Product vs. Process

Welcome to the next to last in our “Seven Perils to Achieving Your Potential” Series. In this edition we examine a debate that in healers, coaches, and counselors circles is as old as “the chicken and the egg.” Which takes priority? Which comes first? What’s more important…?

Product vs. Process

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In Stephen Covey’s bestselling self-improvement book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, two of the habits on his list are “Put First Things First” and “Begin With the End in Mind.” On their face they might seem to contradict each other, but upon further examination they actually complement each other.

Put First Things First: This is a reference to process. It means to employ a set of steps and create a course to follow that you’re not just comfortable with but, to some degree, enjoy. The process is the thing that marks the difference between a job well done and a job done well. Another way of looking at it is from your client’s point of view. A client judges the value of your service not just on the end result but on the entire experience. You might achieve the goal, but if in doing so the trip was a rocky, awkward, uncomfortable, or even painful one, your client is likely to have second thoughts of either working with you again or recommending you to others.

Begin With the End in Mind: This is in reference to the goal. Setting steps and charting a course require both a starting point and finish line. Having a vision of what this finish line will be and how far away it is are important. As a healer, coach, or counselor you want the process to be one you and your client will find as fulfilling and rich as possible. Truth is, in what we do for a living, as much is gained from the trip itself as from the outcome of the voyage. However, you can’t ever take your eye off the ball. Your client can! In fact, your client will. If you’re working the process properly a client is likely to become so engaged and enamored with it they’ve totally (albeit temporarily) lost sight of the objective. They can afford to do this (they’re paying for it). You can’t because you’re responsible for it!

Truth is, product and process shouldn’t be foes. Instead they should work as partners. You can’t have one without the other, and the better the former is performed, the better the latter will be. In a way, it’s much like the debate between the chicken and the egg. The answer is that it doesn’t matter, because without the other – neither exists.

 

Warning: Your Thoughts Might Sabotage You?

 the mind photo

Instead of getting “bamboozled” or trapped on what you DON’T want, such as:

  1. “I’m not booking leads.”
  2. “Nobody is finding me.”
  3. “I don’t have a lot of traffic or a big list.”
  4. “I don’t know how to do sell.”

Make every effort to hone your attention on what it is you absolutely DO want

This simple mindset strategy is one of the most powerful you will ever experience – So start re-framing your thoughts around what you DO want in your business. For example:

  1. “What strategy do I need to learn to bring in more clients each month?”
  2. “How can I learn to attract people to my offer”
  3. “What do I need to do on my strategy call that will help my conversions?”
  4. “How will I attract 10 more clients this month?”

Can you see just how one re-frame can OPEN doorways, and inspire new ideas, while at the same time shifting the momentum from a downward spiral to an upward one?

Keep your focus on possibility

“Hope is not a strategy.” -unknown

Let me know if I can help and click here

Client Attraction Peril #5: Pursuit of Perfection

You’ve decided to make it your business to help others be better at – something! That’s cool; so am I. One of the more common character traits for people like us is our pursuit of perfection. I recognized it in me and deal with it all the time. Now, I’d like to help you do the same…

Pursuit of Perfection: The Ultimate Pitfall

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There are two extremes to the peril of perfection. The first is the pursuit of perfection, which is the fastest and surest route to failure. The other is being vague and unsure of oneself; this is the slowest, but as sure a route to failure as well. Both lead to frustration, wasted time, and often lots of wasted money. Let’s start with perfection…

If you feel in your own mind that you’ve achieved perfection – congratulations. That makes one of you. However, if you’re expecting the rest of us (meaning everyone else in the world) to agree, you are on the wrong train track. Trust me, we’ll find a flaw somewhere. Nothing is perfect in the eyes of others. So, if the opinions, judgments, and acceptance of others are required for you to make a living, the wise course is to set a course for as-close-to-perfect-as-possible, as it benefits those you serve. This provides a natural segue to the other end of the perfection spectrum – vagueness and uncertainty.

These are sure signs of having a lack of either confidence or knowledge or both. A person who knows what they’re doing does it. Oftentimes a person possesses the expertise and knowledge but lacks the surety and confidence to set a course. They have the train of thought stoked and ready to go but can’t quite commit to which track to put it on. Why? Usually it’s because they are struggling to achieve perfection!  Sometimes the mind can be such a torture chamber!

As a healer, coach, or counselor we deal with human beings. They’ve hired us to help them. In the process of helping them, it’s important to remember that they can help us as well. Most clients appreciate being a part of the process. When gripped with uncertainty over which direction or course to take, the right thing and professional thing to do is get the client in on the act. It doesn’t have to be done in a way that projects a lack of confidence or indecisiveness. Just the opposite is true. “Client, I’ve come upon several different approaches, all of which have a degree of merit, and I’d like to share them with you.” What client wouldn’t love to hear that? We all love options.

Helping healers, coaches, and counselors make better decisions without being shackled by the illusion of perfection is just one of the ways Healers U betters those who betters others.

Client Attraction Peril #4: Expecting Too Much Too Soon

If so, then this is a peril that may very well apply to you

Expecting Too Much Too Soon

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Expectations – in many ways life and business would be so much easier without them. Yet without them, what would be the point? You need to expect something out of an investment of time, money, effort, or emotions, right? The dark side of expectations rears its ugly head when we apply two specific conditions – time and quality (or) quantity. Consider for a moment the expression, “It (or they) didn’t live up to my expectations.”

Well, that may be a function of whatever or whomever it was you based the expectations on, or maybe the expectations were off to begin with. When you enter into an agreement or arrangement with another person are the expectations very clearly articulated? By clearly I mean you, as the one on the “expecting” end of the bargain, in no uncertain terms and in writing state: “I expect this, this, this, and this. I expect it by this date, and I expect the quality standard to be such and such.”

No? Then how is it possible to be disappointed? The only expectations one should keep to oneself are those one has of oneself. All others must be clearly shared with those who share in the responsibility to make them happen. But wait! There’s more!

You need those to whom you entrust your expectations to be honest with you from the start. The trouble with this is that people have a tendency to want to tell us what they think we want to hear as opposed to what we need to hear, which is – the truth. The best way to get the truth out of someone else is to come right out and ask for it. Come right out and say, “Are you firmly committed to living up to these expectations; are you sure?” Add conditions if you like, such as “Payment is contingent on meeting these expectations.” This will usually result in either a commitment or a realistic adjustment to the expectations.

But what about those expectations we put on ourselves? Whom do we hold accountable for those and how do we avoid disappointment when they’re not reached? This is where Healers U can help. We work with healers, coaches, and counselors in several ways, one of which is to examine the expectations we have of ourselves, then analyze and reset them to be met.

Client Attraction Peril #3: When Envy of Others Becomes a Driver

Deny it or not, it’s a fundamental part of human nature. It happens when our focus shifts from where we are and what we have, to others for where they are and what they have…

When Envy of Others Becomes a Driver

Do you sometimes look at others and wish, “Gee, I’d like to be like him or her”? No? Really? We all have that feeling from time to time; it’s perfectly natural. It becomes unhealthy when it affects how we behave and work, and sets our course in a new direction.

 

The shift can be so subtle sometimes you don’t even notice it. You know you, right? You’re not like that! Truth is, to one degree or another, we’re all like that. The winners in this world are the ones who are able to recognize and overcome such distractions, accept them for what they are, get themselves back on track, and move forward.

 

The real winners are those who are able to compare themselves as they are today to who they were yesterday and say, “Hey, I’m better than him or her”! The goal isn’t to be better than the “other guy,” but to be better than the guy you were looking at in the mirror yesterday. Achieve that and you’ve done something to be truly proud of.

 

I speak from experience – as I do with each of the Seven Perils. I’ve been-there-done-that when it comes to wishing I were “them.” I discovered, the hard way, that keeping up with the Kardashians was not the way to live a life and certainly no way to run a business.

 

It’s distracting, self-destructive, and can really do a number on your ego. Keep in mind, those whom you envy are most surely envying others, and those are, in turn, envying others. Odds are there are many out there who envy you! So what does it all mean? Nothing!

 

We can be married, or have a mate or partner. We can have employees, contractors, friends, neighbors, and family members. Of the lot of them, who’s the only one we have total control over? Of all the people on this planet – who’s the ONE PERSON with whom you must be most satisfied? It’s really not a trick question. The bottom line – if you’re not happy with yourself then how can you expect those who love you, like you, depend on you, and PAY YOU to be happy with you?

 

Photo by Florencia Cárcamo

Client Attraction Peril #2: Status Quo-itis

Oftentimes “comfort” can become our own worst enemy, especially when it manifests itself into…

Status Quo-itis

Contentment is the archenemy of ambition and motivation. Why bother trying something new or venturing into unchartered territory? Everything’s nice as it is right now. Why not stop and smell the roses? That’s all well and good, but keep in mind it’s going to take quite a bit of energy to fire up the engines and get the train roaring down the track again. In other words, when you’re on a roll then keep on rolling. I’m not what you’d call one of your great baseball fans; however, we can learn a lot from history – even sports history. Consider this scenario…

 

The New York Yankees are playing against the Boston Red Sox for the American League Championship. The winner gets to go to the World Series – the ultimate dream of every baseball player. The first team to win four games advances to the series. The Yankees are up on the Red Sox 3 games to 0. All they have to do is win one game. ONE SILLY GAME and they’re on their way. The odds are so much in their favor – no team has ever failed to advance once accumulating such a commanding lead. They rested on their laurels and assumed their dream was “in the bag.” Meanwhile, the Red Sox (they called themselves “The Idiots”) took a “one game at a time” approach. Four games later, the Red Sox went on to the World Series and won.

 

Are you like the Yankees? Have you accepted a so-far-so-good approach and decided to sit back, assuming some kind of mysterious and mystic unseen force is simply going to “take it from here”? If so, like those highly skilled, professional, and talented (just like you) Yankees, you may wind up on the short end of the success stick.

 

Never allow the edge to dull. Never stop moving forward. Know, for a fact, someone – more likely several someones – will be waiting in the wings ready to steal the bread right from your table. The problem is how to know when Status Quo-itis has struck and how to deal with it. This is one of the ways we here at Healers U help healers, coaches, and counselors maintain their edge and continue the march to fulfill their dreams.

 

Keep your eyes on your inbox for the next installment of “A Peril a Day for Seven Days”… allowing envy to drive your vision.

 

Photo by rologica

Client Attraction Peril #1: Are You To Big For Your Britches?

 

There’s an old song from the ’20s entitled “I’m Always Chasing Rainbows.” The lyrics tell the story of a man who considers himself a failure because he just can’t seem to make his vision or dreams become a reality. The reason, as it turns out, isn’t so much because of the man’s skills or even his passion and determination. Rather, it’s more a function of the dream itself.

He simply set his vision-bar too high. As a result, he’s frustrated, failing to appreciate his accomplishments and adjust his way of thinking (and dreaming) to more realistic and achievable levels.

 

These dreams are generally out of reach and bigger than you can manifest realistically, and you can find yourself getting nowhere fast. While dreaming big is a fun thing to do, being able to differentiate between what is real and attainable and what is pure fantasy is critical. One of the downsides of living in a world and at a time when it seems “anything’s possible” is that we often fail to consider the things that are more probable and plausible. One of the secrets for individual success is to be able to realistically define what it is. Most of the times it’s a matter of setting step-by-step levels of success, celebrating each step as you achieve it, and then moving on to the next. First-things-first is a great rule of thumb, and it applies to dreams as much as anything.

 

This is one of the areas where Healers U can help healers, coaches, and counselors to reach goals, get more enjoyment from what they do, and make more at it. It isn’t about raining on your parade or bursting bubbles. Rather, it’s just the opposite. It’s about helping you celebrate all the mini-parades and smaller bubbles you’re able to manifest based on what you accomplish. Or, as the song goes…

 

“I wonder if the world is to blame…

I wonder if it could be me…

I’m always chasing rainbows…”